Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.
Derek Zoolander: Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us.
Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew!
Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?
J.P. Prewitt: Male models don't think for themselves.
Derek Zoolander: That's not true!
J.P. Prewitt: Yes it is, Derek.
Derek Zoolander: [meekly] Okay.
Mugatu: Obey my dog!
Hansel: Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?
VH1 Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel?
Derek Zoolander: Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.
Brint: Or the way Hansel combs his hair?
Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?
Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model.
Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke.
Brint: Uh, Earth to Meekus, duh, okay I knew that!
Meekus: Uh earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you did cuz you were all 'well I'm sure he's heard of styling gel' like you DIDN'T know it was a joke!
Brint: I knew it was a joke Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!
Meekus: Earth to Brint...
Derek Zoolander: GUYS! Can we stop with the Earth tos!
Matilda: Derek that was unbelievable!
Derek Zoolander: I know! I turned left!
Matilda: Yeah, that too, but Derek, you saved the prime minister of Malaysia!
Derek Zoolander: Oh, right, cool.
Maury Ballstein: What do we do when we fall off the horse?
Derek Zoolander: [thoughtfully looking up and mouthing the words silently] ... fall off the horse...
Maury Ballstein: [looking to supply finish] ... we... get back on!
Derek Zoolander: Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast.
Derek Zoolander: Who am I?
Derek's Reflection: I don't know.
Matilda (to Zoolander): "I thought I told you to turn off your phone!"
Zoolander (indignant): "Turn off my phone?!"
Hansel: (Whistles in a "hoo, boy" sort of way, rolls eyes, turns away from ensuing conflict)
Zoolander (still indignant): "Turn off my phone?! Earth to Matilda, this phone is as much a part of me as--"
Matilda: "You know, could we stop it with all the 'Earth tos,' please?"
Hansel: "We're not saying this is the Earth calling you, Matilda."
Matilda: "No, I understand that."
Zoolander (smiling amusedly throughout): "No, I don't think you do. Listen, it's not like we're in a control tower, trying to reach outer-space aliens, or something!"
Hansel (raspy whisper, imitating alien): "Hello!"
(Hansel flicks his fingers outwardly to convey something being broadcast. Then, he shapes his hand into a telephone and brings it to the side of his head, as if to answer a call.)
Hansel (as alien): "Hello!"
(Zoolander and Hansel chuckle, very pleased with themselves.)
Zoolander: "Oh, snap! A joke!"