Amish Paradise
by Al Yankovic
Lyrics:
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she´s very plain
But that´s just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I´m milkin´ cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I´ve been milkin´ and plowin´ so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I´m a man of the land, I´m into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we´re gonna party like it´s 1699
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I´ve churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It´s hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt* last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don´t care, in fact I wish him well
´Cause I´ll be laughing my head off when he´s burning in hell
But I ain´t never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a ´tude? You know that´s unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies all I agree I look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you´ll be bored to tears
We haven´t even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain´t really quaint, so please don´t point and stare
We´re just technologically impaired
There´s no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It´s as primitave as can be
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We´re just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There´s no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don´t fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise
Hitchin´ up the buggy, churnin´ lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I´ll raise another
Think you´re really rightous? Think you´re pure in heart?
Well, I know I´m a million times as humble as thou art
I´m the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin´ points for the afterlife
So don´t be vain and don´t be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We´re all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There´s no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you´d probably think it bites*
Living in an Amish paradise
