Salut, j´ai un ptit DM d´anglais pour mardi et j´aimerais avoir qqles avis sur ce que j´ai fait.
C´est enfait 2 sujets d´expression écrite d´un type bac.

Le 1er, fallait raconter plus ou moins la suite de texte : imagine wath the narrator tells her mother about her day out when ses comes backs(200mots).
Voila ce que j´ai fait :

At 6.30PM the doorbell rang. The mother ran to the door, opened it and saw her daughter and him.
Momma was so happy to see me. She took me in her arms, kissed me, and closed the door just in front of Daddy. She said to me :
"You see, he never does what it was envisaged ! You have to come back 5.30PM and it is 6.30PM ! He does not show the good example to you."
"Momma ! I had passed a fantastic day, an unforgettable day, a happiness day with Daddy, and just back to home you criticize him for nothing ! We was late because of the snow blocking the roads !" I reply her with an irritated look.
Momma saw me as if i was a monster. Usually i did not talk about my day with Daddy to her, and i didnt reply to her like that.
"I see, said Momma, he twisted your mind again !"
I could not let pass that. Momma irritated me too much with her stupid remarks.
"Momma... I wouldnt have to say that to you, but you just showed me what i was thinking is true. I love Daddy better than I love you !"

Y´a certaine phrases qui doivent être un peu tordues, donc si vous pouviez m´aider ;)

Et le 2eme sujet c´est : What do you think are the essential elements of happiness for a child ? (200mots)
Pour le moment j´ai ça :

When we are a child, lot of simple things can give you happiness. I think the most happiness thing is the love from the family, and all the positive things they do with the child : laugh, play, go out,... It is simple things, but that count a lot for the child. When there is family problems or if the family does not take care of him, the child is often sad.
Morover, the friends are important too as when the kids are together, mostly of the time they play and laugh. There is also lot of other things which can make a child happy. Materials things like the toys and the sweet are 2 other essential things the kid like a lot. When he is in a shop with her mother for example, he always ask for a toy or a sweet, because he likes it a lot.

Me manque qqles idées ? Et aussi si ya des fautes ?

Merci d´avance ! ;)

je ne vois pas de faute même si je suis pas bilingue

quand tu dis :
You have to come back 5.30PM
c´est pas plutôt had to come back pour le passé

he never does what was planned (?)
You had to come back 5.30PM
I have spent a fantastic day, an unforgettable day, a happy day
back home
I replied her
Momma wachted me --> pour "regarder"
I could not let pass that --> je crois pas que ça existe...

C´est cruel comme histoire!

When you are a child --> tu as mis you après
a lot of simple things
the most happy thing
These are simple things
that counts a lot
When there are family problems
Moreover
as when the kids are together --> pas compris...
most of the time
a lot of other things
Materials things like toys and sweets
the kids like/kid likes a lot.
he always asks for a toy or a sweet, because he likes them a lot.

J´ai corrigé que les fautes de grammaire, pas le courage de donner des idées!

Pas le courage de tout lire ^^

Merci ! Hé bhé j´en avais fait des fautes... ^^

Princess, pour le "I could not let pass that", enfait je veux dire qch du genre : Je ne pouvais pas laisser pas ça"
Et pour le "as when the kids are together --> pas compris... ", j´ai corrigé je pense que ça doit mieux aller là

Voila donc la version corrigé :

At 6.30PM the doorbell rang. The mother ran to the door, opened it and saw her daughter and him.
Momma was so happy to see me. She took me in her arms, kissed me, and closed the door just in front of Daddy. She said to me :
"You see, he never does what it was envisaged ! You had to come back 5.30PM and it is 6.30PM ! He does not show the good example to you."
"Momma ! I have spent a fantastic day, an unforgettable day, a happy day with Daddy, and just back home you criticize him for nothing ! We was late because of the snow blocking the roads !" I replied her with an irritated look.
Momma watched me as if i was a monster. Usually i did not talk about my day with Daddy to her, and i didnt reply to her like that.
"I see, said Momma, he twisted your mind again !"
I could not let pass that. Momma irritated me too much with her stupid remarks.
"Momma... I wouldnt have to say that to you, but you just showed me what i was thinking is true. I love Daddy better than I love you !"

When you are a child, a lot of simple things can give you happiness. I think the most happy thing is the love from the family, and all the positive things they do with the child. When they laugh together, when they play with him (mother plays doll with her daughter and father plays sport or little cars with his soon), when they go out (attraction park, pool, zoo,...) These are simple things, but that counts a lot for the child. When there are family problems or if the family does not take care of him, the child is often sad.
Moreover, the friends are important too because most of the time when the kids are together they play and laugh. There is also a lot of other things which can make a child happy. Most of the children loves to have a pet for playing with it. Materials things like toys and the sweets are 2 other essential things the kids like a lot. When he is in a shop with her mother for example, he always asks for a toy or a sweet, because he likes them a lot.

Pour le 2eme, j´ai ajouter qqles morceaux dont je ne suis pas très sur si ça se dit comme ça.

En tout cas merci bcp déja

he never does what was envisaged --> sans le "it" et je pensais pas que "envisage" existait en anglais, mais après avoir regardé dans le dico, il existe en effet! Tu m´as appris quelque chose!
We are late
Momma watched me as if i were a monster
I could not let pass that --> j´ai bien compris le sens, mais je sais pas si l´expression existe telle quelle en anglais...

mother plays doll with her daughter and father plays sport or little cars with his soon --> il me semble pas que ça se dise comme ça, mais en fait j´en sais rien... Par contre c´est "son", mais je pense que c´est juste une faute de frappe.
swimming pool je suppose
when the kids are together they play and laugh --> ah oui c´est beaucoup mieux!
Most of the children love
to have a pet to play with (sans it)
Material things
like toys and sweets

Voili voilà! J´espère que j´ai pas rajouté des fautes mais normalement non!

I could not let pass that --> j´ai bien compris le sens, mais je sais pas si l´expression existe telle quelle en anglais...

Ok pas grave ;)

mother plays doll with her daughter and father plays sport or little cars with his soon --> il me semble pas que ça se dise comme ça, mais en fait j´en sais rien...

LoL moi non plus je sais pas ^^

Par contre c´est "son", mais je pense que c´est juste une faute de frappe.

Faute d´inattention...

Juste un ptit truc en plus par rapport aux animaux de compagnie. Comment dit-on "pour s´en occuper" ?

En tout cas merci beaucoup déjà pour tout ça !

To look after them je pense

Oki