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´THE GIANT PENIS IS SOMEWHERE IN NEW JERSEY.IT´S IN PRETTY POOR CONDITION´ (NME, 11/99) - TRADUÇÃO

WITH THE RELEASE OF THEIR CAREER-SPANNING RETROSPECTIVE ALBUM, WE LOOK BACK AT THE BEASTIE BOYS´ ILLUSTRIOUS LIFE AND FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT ENORMOUS PHALLUS...

The three girls can´t be older than 13.They´re walking down the narrow Manhattan street , sipping Coca-Cola through striped straws , tugging at the back pockets of their voluminous jeans with tuff-girl attitude , when they spot the men having their photo taken under a street sign reading ´No Standing´.The girls stop.

They whisper to one another . Finally, the biggest one breaks rank and sashays forward."Who are yous?"she demands.

The skinny grey-haired man strikes a pose."We´re N-Sync!" he boasts , then executes a neat pirouette.

The girl squints at him.She returns to her friends.They whisper some more , then she edges forward again."No, yous ain´t N-Sync", she says , shaking her head decisively.

"We´re doing a fashion shoot!" offers the smallest of the men, adjusting his hooded top."For Gucci."He pouts at the camera.

"A fashion shoot?"the girl looks dubious.She glances back towards her friends.One of them nods in vigorous encouragement."We think yous are the Beastie Boys,"she asserts.

The three men continue gurning for the camera.Silly face.Serious face.Silly face.Obviously pros."Beastie Boys?!"they splutter, as if it´s the stupidest name they´ve ever heard."Who´s that?"

Within minutes, the girls have made their minds up.They know the world´s most famous white rap act when they see them , and they´re not going to be told otherwise.They press pens and scraps of paper into the hands of the three men, disrupting the NME photo shoot.Adam ´MCA´Yauch, Mike ´D´ Diamond and Adam ´Ad-Rock´ Horovitz sign their names , then head for the sanctuary of the nearby Soho Grand Hotel.As they walk away, Yauch scratches his head."I´ve just realized,"he says,"that when we put our first record out, those girls weren´t even born."

When Adam Yauch and Mike D first got together to make some noise in 1981, they could never have envisaged that by the end of the century they would be part of the most powerful triumvirate on the rock/rap axis, presiding an entire industry of urban ´ cool ´.Even after Horovitz joined in 1983 and they began to phase out hardcore in favour of hip-hop, there was very little to indicate that the Beastie Boys would ever be more than a mildly entertaining joke, much less a zeitgeist-defining band.

Looking back at photographs from those days, it´s startling how different they were to the sharp , eminently respectable men we meet today . The spotty, pudgy faces, the slouchy Adidas tracksuits, the oversized White Castle baseball hats, those clunky VW emblem necklaces.They were loud, rude, ugly and willfully dumb.

Yet, somehow, over the last 18 years, the Beastie Boys have evolved into one of the most consistently inventive, articulate and politically conscientious bands that America has ever spawned.They´ve cultivated ´ having fun´ into an art form, building a business empire based around Grand Royal Records and continuing to defy neat genre-shaped pigeonholes by omnivorously pulling together myriad strands of pop culture to feed their muse.Just as the sophisticated space-age groove of 98´s ´Hello Nasty´ was light years away from the easy adolescent rap of ´Licensed to Ill´ the1999 version of the Beastie Boys is a far cry from the noisily belligerent teenagers who first brought rap music to Middle America , ushering in a whole new era in their wake.

Their story , of course , has been told countless times.But now the Beastie Boys have decided that it´s finally time they told it themselves.This month, they release ´The Sounds of Science´ an epic career-spanning retrospective that traces their evolution from boys to men - from their inglorious hardcore past to their globe-straddling robot-riding present.The 42 track double CD includes the obvious hits, alongside B-sides, remixes, unreleased tracks from the ´Hello Nasty´ sessions and one new recording , ´Alive´.The most extraordinary thing about the collection , however, is the hefty 78-page booklet that accompanies it, including liner notes written by the band , giving a rare glimpse from inside the Beastie World.

That´s what we´ve come to New York to talk to them about.

Walk into an interview with the Beastie Boys and there´s no telling what you´re going to get.They are consummate bullshit practitioners , skilled at dodging an weaving , circling and evading . They have , quite literally, made journalists cry.Occasionally they are terse and uncommunicative , more often they adopt comedy persona and engage in tag-team joke runs.They are notoriously touchy about the subject of their early career, when their comedy beer lout antics and PC-baiting cartoon misogyny sparked a tabloid furore which has since come back to haunt them, most pointedly in 1998´s Reading Festival war of words with the Prodigy over ´Smack my Bitch Up´.

Today, however, they seem to wholly accept that the release of a retrospective album demands that they address their past, and they behave themselves beautifully.Seated uncomfortably at a wooden table in the slick brick-and-chrome environs of the Soho Grand, Mike D and Ad-Rock fidget and clown like adolescent in grown-up bodies, while Yauch merely sits quietly , exuding a Zen-like calm.They order water and coffee , save Mike D-who has brought along a luminous pink drink from the health food store round the corner ( Mike D:" I tell ya, they´ve got Tofutti in every flavour in that place."Adrock:"Have they got pee flavour?"Mike D:"I don´t know-should I go back and ask?")and a bagel, which he produces from somewhere in his trousers.

Later this afternoon , in a TV interview, the Beasties will explain how the decision was made to release ´The Sounds of Science´ in the last months of 1999 due to a cosmic alignment with the birthday of Mike´s dog.The reality , however,was slightly less mystical.They simply decided it was time to take a stock.

"Though there have admittedly been some long spans between albums,"Mike D explains, "we still feel that we´ve been working pretty much straight through since ´Check Your Head´ (in 1992). So when the idea came up that we should maybe put some of our stuff together , at first we all had our hesitations.But once we actually started listening to the music then it really made sense."

Adrock squints."A little reflection before we move on, is that what you´re saying Michael?"

"Kind of.Yes.A respite."

"We wanted to be able to put some of our songs in context," nods Adam Yauch, "to pick them out and write about them from our own perspective."

"The interesting thing," adds Mike D, "is that we found that you don´t even get a chance to say, like, one hundredth of the stuff you actually have to say.We tried to tackle some things in th liner notes-like to say a little bit of each song but also try to write a little bit of a history of the band within that.But there´s no way we could get everything in there."

Yauch:"Yesterday, Adam said, ´You can´t rewrite history , but you can try´.We probably should have called the album that."

Sorting through their back catalogue to choose the tracks for ´The Sounds of Science´ only took two days.Pretty good going, considering that the average gestation for a ´proper ´Beasties album is about three years.

Mike D:" It actually wasn´t as bad as we thought it was going to be.We printed out a discography, and went through it.The definite yes´s and the definite no´s both made themselves pretty readily apparent.And then we had about 20 songs in the ´listen to and decide´ category."

Adrock:" Many of which fell into the cringe category."

Yauch:"The weird thing is that sometimes there would be songs that were actually good but with some cringe sections . So those songs got negated purely for partial cringe-worthiness.

A few changes had to be made late in the game.Early tracklistings included the band´s first Def Jam single, ´Rock Hard´, but it was reluctantly replaced with ´She´s on It´ due to a kerfuffle over an AC/DC sample.

"We originally had ´Rock Hard´ on there,"Mike D explains,"because it was never widely available.So we had to go back to AC/DC sample clearance.Their lawyer said no, so I decided to call them myself.With Yauch´s encouragement."

Yauch:"I told Mike not to take no for an answer and if they said no, just to say, ´Look , you guys just gotta understand, we need to have this on our record."

Mike D:"So I tracked AC/DC down to a studio in Vancouver and talked to Malcolm(Young) . And they were just not having it. He goes, ´ I´d love to do it for you guys, but it´s ´Back in Black´-one of the top three songs we´ve ever written!´ Whatever . AC/DC could not get with the sample concept.They were just like, ´Nothing against you guys, but we just don´t endorse sampling . "

Adrock:"So we told them that we don´t endorse people playing guitars."

As a result, ´She´s On It´ came off the ´maybe´ bench , to which it had been consigned, Mike insists, "because it sucks."

Adrock nods:"It´s not one of our top three songs."

Mike D:"But it has its historical place . ´Cos we used to play that on the Madonna tour, when we opened up for her.Along with ´Rock Hard´ and ´Slow and Low´ and ´Beastie Groove´ and ´Drum Machine´. That was it.That was our set.Fifteen minutes long."

Adrock:"Boy, that must have sucked."

Yauch:"No wonder we got booed."

Mike D looks misty-eyed."That was ´85, the ´Like a Virgin´ tour.Imagine.Those Madonna fans are probably running Internet start-up companies now."

"Aaah to be young , drunk and stupid."-Adam Horovitz, liner notes to ´Brass Monkey´.

The Beastie Boys´ history, of course, has its black spots.Their closet isn´t so much filled with skeletons as it is rattling with beer cans.When they arrived in Britain for the Def Jam package tour, along with Run-DMC, in 1987 complete with cage-dancers and a giant hydraulic penis, they were greeted with disgusted outrage.They were discussed in Parliament as a "menace to society", banned from hotels , and accused of maligning dying children . In Liverpool, Adam Horovitz was arrested for allegedly injuring a female fan by throwing a beer can at her during a concert . Although he was cleared , and the allegations were reneged , the Beastie Boys´ reputation was sealed .

Today , when they re told that we have brought along a selection of photos from that era pulled from the NME archive , we half expect a hostile reaction.These are embarrassing photos.Incriminating.But the Beastie Boys are fascinated . Ad-Rock even takes a fancy to a black and white shot that shows him walking into the Liverpool court."I really like this one. A lot. Can I just slip it under the table and keep it?"

Next are a series of pictures of the Beasties onstage during the ´ Licensed to Ill´ tour.They are falling over drunk, spitting, leering at the cage-dancers , gyrating in front of the giant phallus.Similar images are on the ´The Sounds of Science´ sleeve , only, strangely, the girls and penis don´t appear.

Adam Yauch holds one photo for a few minutes and shakes his head . "God.That´s offensive."

Where is the penis now?

Mike D:"It´s in storage.Somewhere in New Jersey.I hear it´s in pretty poor condition."

Yauch:"Maybe we should donate the giant penis to the Hard Rock Café or something.Do you think they´d take it?"

Adrock reads captions from the back of press agency photos in disbelief.

"Check this out.´The Beastie Boys, the crudest pop band in the world, hit Britain yesterday, screaming obscenities...The outrageous , vile American pop group insulted young leukaemia victims!"

Adam Yauch stares hard at the edge of the table . "It was pretty insane, especially after that crazy story came out about the leukaemia victims . The headline was something like ´Pop Yobs Insult Dying Children´. Ridiculous. The way I remember it , we were coming out of our hotel, rushing to the soundcheck when this lady asked for an autograph.I said, ´Sorry , we´re in a hurry´, and she said, ´If you don´t sign this autograph I´m going to stitch you up in the press´.I said, ´Fuck you!´- which was probably typical of me at the time.The next day those headlines came out,and from there on out the press were out to get us."

n the liner note to ´(You Gotta)Fight For Your Right( To Party)´, Yauch describes the song as " a joke that went too far", and admits, "I think we actually became just what it was that we set out to make fun of.By drinking so much beer and acting like sexiest macho jerks we actually became just that."

Exactly how far across the line did they go?He pauses, pouring himself another glass of water."We were definitely getting drunk and acting stupid and trying to purposely be obnoxious because we thought it was funny - but we were also talking in the lyrics about smocking crack and smoking dust and all that type of stuff we weren´t actually doing . It was all just stupid exaggeration . "

Horovitz nods. "And the press, at that time, would have believed anything . So we just made shit up.It was kind of goof.We´d just build on each other´s stories.Like, yeah, we flooded the bathroom at the hotel, and we sawed a hole in the ceiling so that we could go from one room to the other."

Mike D:"But once it gets printed one place that establishes it as fact.I think the thing that we weren´t prepared for was when the exaggeration stopped coming from us - when it went to the tabloid level . It took the whole thing into a completely negative and frightening and alienating area.It´s easy to look back on it now, in this context, and see it all leading up to that point.But at the time, we really didn´t know what was happening."

So would they do it differently if they had another chance?

Adrock pushes away the stack of NME photos."I´d not have so many cameras around."

Adam Yauch is more philosophical."My theory is that you wouldn´t be who you are if you hadn´t experienced everything that has led up to this moment.For one thing , it´s like wasted energy trying to wish your past away, because you´re not going to change it anyway.Unless it somehow helps you to be more constructive in the future . You could spend your life walking backwards dwelling on things , but did contributed to who we are now.Maybe I wouldn´t do some of those things again, but . ...I think some of those pictures are funny."He shrugs."What he hell, y´know?"

Adrock nods."Yeah, I know.But there are a couple of things during that time that is like, ´God, I wish I hadn´t done that´.But it´s true, there´s nothing you can do about it . You did do it.The best thing that can happen from being a ignorant is that you can learn from your mistakes."

The new compilation LP acknowledges that chapter in the Beasties´ history, then moves on . Through the uncertain period surrounding their seminal 1989 album ´Paul´s Boutique´, which spearheaded the era of the sampler. Through the 1992 release of ´Check your Head´, which saw the band revert to live instrumentation.Through the sessions surrounding ´Ill Communication´, Adam Yauch´s conversion to Buddhism and establishment of the Tibetan Freedom Concerts.Through the space-fillers-the 11-minute-long hardcore ´Aglio e Oglio´ EP and the instrumental ´The In Sound From Way Out´- which were released while they spent four years working towards ´Hello Nasty´.

One surprise is the introduction of Mike D´s alter ego Country Mike, whom the Beasties allege developed after Mike received a nasty blow to the head some time after ´Ill Communication´.We may never know the truth.

Mike D:"Country Mike had a long up-and-down country career, pioneered a lot of things that he didn´t get recognition for.(To Adam Yauch)Is that fair to say?"

Yauch:"I´m not saying anything, but Mike Diamond and Country Mike have never been seen at the same time before."

Mike D:"Well I do have a closeness to the man.But, you see, he´s kind of a recluse now.The latest I´ve heard is that he´s just into shingling roofs , because he felt disenfranchised. He got very embittered with the music industry.In the late-60´s he had a couple of mainstream novelty hits, but then he felt like he wanted to get back to his country roots , so he started from scratch again.His popularity built back up in the ´70s to the point where he had his own tv show." Pause. "But then he got shot."

Country Mike has a cameo in the video for the new track ´Alive´, in which the band cruise Manhattan in coloured boiler suits, like hip-hop Teletubbies.The song, with it´s Boogie Down Productions sample, "Bring it back that old New York rap", and pointedly political lyrics, makes for an interesting footnote to the compilation.It sounds nostalgic, yet it´s full of life-affirming positive messages:"So fed up with racism today/Time to speak up and not turn away..." . " Homophobics ain´t alright/If you learn to love then you might love life..." "I´d like to have a say on the income tax/Don´t wanna help build bombs and that´s the facts."This is what the Beastie Boys are about in 1999, the final point on a map tracing their inspired evolution, and a shining example of the way in which they have reconciled their hedonistic fun-at-all costs Peter Pan attitude with the wisdom, sobriety and conscience that come with increasing age.The 42 tracks of ´The Sounds of Science´ bear testimony to the Beastie Boys´ genius-encapsulating and historicising their encyclopedic genre-scambling, their inexhaustible urge to observe and comment on popular culture.Little wonder they remain the name-dropping, hoop-shooting wise-ass gang everybody dreams of joining , even after all these years.

Next, The Scientists of Sound will take "a little break", and a well-deserved one." We never set an official date for starting work , "shrugs Mike D."Although , you know, whatever we work on individually now will probably end up going towards whatever our next record becomes.Don´t know.That´s the way we are.The records just sort of happen when they happen."The others nod.There´s no pressure.