Salut les gars
En fait je dois faire en anglais (en fait en Classe Européenne) un "résumé" de notre rapport de stage bien entendu en anglais, j'ai fais ça et j'aimerai si ça vous dérange pas de me dire si j'ai fais des fautes (pas nécessairement de me les corriger)
Voici le texte (attention pavé)

During my work experience I have worked in an insurance company called « Império Assurances » in Levallois-Perret. The majority of their clients are Portuguese because, originally, it’s a portuguese company. The company has established itself in France only thirty years ago. There are actually 44 employees, 28 men and 16 women. The firm is also affiliated with the « BCB Bank » since 2001.
I found this work experience because my father works there and because first, I sent a motivation letter to the « BCB Bank » but they didn’t choose me because I am under 18, however, they said they could help me to find a work experience in speaking about me to « Império Assurances ». During the week, I woke up at eight o’ clock and then I took the car thirty minutes later. Normally, I arrived there at half past nine but it depends if there was snow or not. I lunched to the restaurant at half past twelve with the other employees. I worked from half past nine to half past five in the afternoon. I left the company at six o’ clock and I came back home at half past seven. People in the enterprise were nice with me, they teached me a lot about their jobs and they helped me to do my work experience report too.
On the first day, the company secretary introduce me to the employees of the society. After that, I went to the department « Bancassurances », they explained me that the society is affiliated with the « BCB Bank » and firm sells many insurances like life assurance. They also helped me to do my schedule on the computer. Then, I went to the « Information System department » and I learnt how do they supervise the database but I couldn’t help a lot because it was too complicated. On the second day, I went to a meeting with the commercial agents of the society to do a making-up of the sales of the week. On the third day, I went to the « Chief Financial Officer »; I learnt that their roles were to avoid the society to suffer from the economic crisis. On the fourth day, I went to the « Chief Operating Officer » and learnt that, in this service, they supervise the client accounts and close or open their contracts with a software which allows to modify the data base. On the last day, I went to a lot of services such as the marketing departement where I learnt how the society manages to make the clients coming in their society and not others. I would like to thank all persons who help me during my work experience period as:
- Mrs Chantal Hazard, the company secretary who has accepted to do my work experience there.
- All the other employees for their several advices given and their kindness.
I really enjoyed this work experience and I think it’s a great experience because everybody were nice with me and I learnt a lot from it such as how an enterprise works.

Voilà, merci d'avance pour votre patience et votre aide

"I found this work experience because my father works there and because first, I sent a motivation letter to the « BCB Bank » but they didn’t choose me because I am under 18, however, they said they could help me to find a work experience in speaking about me to « Império Assurances »."

=> problème de temps je pense. Je dirais "because I had first sent..."
le "to" dans help me to n'est pas obligatoire. Sinon, t'es sûr de ta formulation ? J'aurais plutôt mis "help me to find a work experience, speaking about me to..." ou à la rigueur "by speaking" mais je ne suis pas sûr.

"During the week, I woke up at eight o’ clock and then I took the car thirty minutes later.
Normally, I arrived there at half past nine but it depends if there was snow or not."

=> Normally, plutôt "usually".
it depends ON sth

" I lunched to the restaurant at half past twelve with the other employees."

=> l'utilisation de "lunch" en tant que verbe est très peu courante : on dit bcp plus I had luch AT the restaurant

"I worked from half past nine to half past five in the afternoon. I left the company at six o’ clock and I came back home at half past seven. People in the enterprise were nice with me, they teached me a lot about their jobs and they helped me to do my work experience report too. "

=> RAS a priori.

Voilà ! (:

Thank you

"On the first day, the company secretary introduce me to the employees of the society."

=> attention faute de temps

"After that, I went to the department « Bancassurances », they explained me that the society is affiliated with the « BCB Bank » and firm sells many insurances like life assurance. "

=> Je pense qu'il ya concordance des temps. De plus, to explain TO sb

"They also helped me to do my schedule on the computer. Then, I went to the « Information System department » and I learnt how do they supervise the database but I couldn’t help a lot because it was too complicated."

=> ta phrase ne veut rien dire. Soit "I lernt how to supervise the database" ou "I learnt how they surperviseD the database"

"On the second day, I went to a meeting with the commercial agents of the society to do a making-up of the sales of the week. On the third day, I went to the « Chief Financial Officer »; I learnt that their roles were to avoid the society to suffer from the economic crisis."

=> qui c'est "their" ?
la formulation me paraît bizarre : "to avoid that the society suffers"

"On the fourth day, I went to the « Chief Operating Officer » and learnt that, in this service, they supervise the client accounts and close or open their contracts with a software which allows to modify the data base."

=> concordance des temps = superviseD etc...

"On the last day, I went to a lot of services such as the marketing departement where I learnt how the society manages to make the clients coming in their society and not others. "

=> idem, je pense qu'il y a concordance des temps, "how the society managed"

"I would like to thank all persons who help me during my work experience period as: "

=> all the persons, ou everyone, ou each person
De plus, faute de temps, "who helpED"

"- Mrs Chantal Hazard, the company secretary who has accepted to do my work experience there."

=> who has accepted that I do

"- All the other employees for their several advices given and their kindness."

=> advice est déjà pluriel. Et la formulation ne va pas, je dirais plutôt : "for giving me advice"

"I really enjoyed this work experience and I think it’s a great experience because everybody were nice with me and I learnt a lot from it such as how an enterprise works."

=> everybody est singulier

Désolé du retard mais merci encore pour ton aide précieuse

Mais de rien voyons ! (: